Birthday Surprise!

To back track a little bit - I had knee surgery January 24th.  They did a pregnancy test the day of the surgery and said it came back negative.  However, another girl right before me was positive!  As my nurse told us that, we both laughed and said... "That sucks!  We will take the negative and be happy with that result!"

I knew I was going to start my flow on the 26th so I wasn't even concerned with the odds of being pregnant.  

The 26th came and went.  

We figured with the surgery and the drugs it just threw things off.  I had started to get sick in the mornings or when I didn't have that much food in my tummy.  The thought of food made me nauseous and I did all I could to be motivated to try and eat.  I was starting to feel like something was seriously wrong with me with how horrible I was feeling all the time.  My mom and a few friends kept teasing me to take a pregnancy test but I refused since {again} my flow was going to start in a few days.  I said I didn't want to pee on $5.00 when I'd have my natural result in a few days.  Between the few of them, I was up to $20.00 in cash for them to buy the test for me.  I should have taken the money!  So I promised if I didn't start as my flow tracker app stated I would... then I'd give in and pee on the darn stick.

The flow never came.

Friday, February 24th I'm up at 5:00am- knowing the pee stick was haunting me under the bathroom sink.  I gave in, took the test.  A few minutes went by and I peeked over the counter to see one solid pink line and another faint line... trying to convince myself that it really wasn't there.  I wasn't sure what to do from that point!  Ok... so I started crying, grabbed my phone, texted my friend (another that kept bugging me to pee on a stick) and asked if I can KIND OF... maybe... slightly see another line, does that mean I'm pregnant?  She responds with a comforting, "OMG!!  That's how my first one was with Tylee!"  FANTASTIC.  Tylee, that's now two years old.. it was obviously right!

I jumped in the shower, got dressed, looked like a crazy lady at Smith's buying another First Response, juice, fruit, and cake mix... if that's not a sign right there...

When I got home to crawl back into bed I hear JC call out, "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!"  By now it's around 7:00 am.  He asks how I am - I tell him I peed on a stick and had to run to Smith's to get another test.  He asks why... I tell him the first one said something I'm not ready to see.  He kind of got this cute smile and asked when I was taking the next test.  We laid there snuggling and talking about the possibility that I'm pregnant.

A few hours go by- he starts breakfast for my birthday as I start getting ready for the day.  I go in the kitchen and ask if I can help with breakfast and he says I can't help make my birthday breakfast.  So I say "Fine, I'll just go pee on a stick then!"  I get my stick, pee on it, put it on the counter fast and ran away from it.  I tell JC to go look at it and tell me what it says.  He's in the bathroom for a few minutes, comes out with glistening eyes and that cute JC smile I love so much.  He walks back around the kitchen counter acting like everything is normal.  I'm standing by the porch door shaking and asks what it says.. he doesn't say a thing, walks over to me, smiles, and hugs me.  I cried and proclaimed, "At least it's not some weird disease!"  Which I thought I had with how sick I'd been.

SURPRISE!  I'm Pregnant... HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

I call my lady doctor to tell them I'm pregnant and have an IUD.  They tell me to come in at 11:00.  First they did another pregnancy test (my fourth one of the morning!) and the nurse comes back in and says, "It's definitely positive.. can't even question it!"  So then they get me into the ultra sound tech - they wanted to make sure the baby is in the uterus and not the fallopian tubes - which is common if pregnant with an IUD.  So there we are, watching a blank screen when all of us a sudden a big empty uterus pops up on the screen with a little gummy bear snuggled up against the bottom lining.  We both ask what that thing is and the tech laughs and says... That's your baby!  She turns the sound on and it's little heart is racing like crazy!  As unplanned and unexpected as this is... what a great birthday surprise to hear and see our little gummy bear starting its adventure to our family!

The tech determined I was 8 weeks pregnant and due October 4th.  Everything was perfect and right where it should be.  So back up to the office we went to have the IUD removed.  Anna, my doctor, walks in all excited, shocked and amazed that I'm pregnant... and have an IUD.  Always great when your doctor is just as surprised as you are!  So she goes in to pull the IUD out... three attempts and the string breaks!  She had to get one of the OB doctors to come remove it.  It was not a pleasant experience but the lucky guy that got the darn thing out... won my confidence and trust to deliver the baby.  With his funny and caring character- made it pretty easy to select a labor doctor when I didn't know any of them.

After a three hour visit to the doctor, we walked out with juice, ultra sound pictures, and a very tired, hungry and sore wife.  JC treated me to Zupas as we were both still in shock by what we are about to begin.  Definitely a birthday to remember!

I'm now 14 weeks (tomorrow) and {hopefully} pass the morning sickness.  Hasn't been nearly as bad  the past few days and I actually have energy and more motivation!  Maybe I can start enjoying this pregnancy thing now!

Story of Green Tie

First let me apologize if this post sounds crazy... I just woke up from a Lortab induced nap!

I started going to the singles ward with Jessie soon after the divorce finalized.  Not only was it great going to church with my first best friend and still a best friend to this day (20+ years) - but the Bishop and his wife were long time family friends as well.  The first time I went to that ward the spirit was so strong and I knew I needed to be in this ward.  I figured it was because I was already so close to the Bishop and his wife and having my bestie there with me also... but little did I know what else would be coming with it!

March 20th sitting in sacrament and a handsome guy in a green tie is sitting on the stand waiting to bless the sacrament.  I leaned over to Jessie and said, "That Green Tie sure is cute!"  He caught me peeking at him and I gave a smile and turned away blushing, I'm sure.  

Jessie told me that if I mentioned it to Whitney (the Bishops wife) she would love to introduce me to Mr. Green Tie.  But I shook my head and said- This time, I'm not looking for a relationship.  If its meant to be, it will happen.  But I'm not going to pursue it or go searching for someone.  So the rest of the day we kept glancing at each other and left it at that.  I even told Jessie- he's way too cute for me and probably wouldn't have the time of day for me with all these other girls googly eyed over him too!  

The next day at Family Home Evening was swing dancing.  We all got in a circle and after learning a new dance move we'd rotate partners.  I was about three guys away from him in the beginning and when I got to him I was all sorts of nervous but my previous dance experience kept me somewhat confident!  We tried small talking in between the instructors directions - what I learned was he worked at Five Buck Pizza and that turned me off so I thought nothing else of him. I instantly thought he was fresh out of high school, working in pizza and nothing else. Shallow- right?  I always wondered why he didn't explain... I'm the manager of Five Buck Pizza, finishing school in Marketing, served a mission... but now I know he is simply humble and doesn't need to elaborate to impress people.  Don't worry though, he came up to me throughout the night and we talked more.  His half smile made me twitter-pated each time!

That same week, Friday night was a Regional activity at Classic Skating.  As Jessie and I were skating around all of a sudden Green Tie skates up behind me.  We went around a few times talking.  Then it turned into Snowball time.  Of course they made it girls choice first!  I went around and got to where he was, as I got closer I tried to stop but the ledge stopped me first!  I hit the ledge and fell into Green Tie... I got his attention and off we went skating!  As the night went on he stayed closed.  He was on skates and I was on roller blades.  He kept telling me to switch to skates and he'd help me learn.  I gave in.  I ended up switching blades for skates and he stayed with me the entire night.  He was so cute about it!  By the end of the night he had my number and texted me the next day.  

Sunday night he came over to watch a movie.  We talked more than walked the movie. I actually think it played twice. That's how much talking we did!  He asked the question, "So, did you serve a mission?" This became a frequent question at church as I would show up to temple night or talking about temple experiences.  I shook my head no and I could tell he was processing all the reasons of why I took my endowments out then.  I then asked if he was ready for this.... I said I was previously married for three years.  He asked if I wanted to talk about it or if I'd rather not.  I told him all about the situation and I love how he reacted.  He told me how much he respected me and was impressed by my attitude towards it all.  

I was never expecting anything to come from Green Tie, but from that moment, I knew he was someone special.  The love and compassion he had as he listened to me talk about my past was something I've never seen before.  He was listening to me and wanted to be there with me.  That was the first of many long nights of us talking about church and our faith in the church.  I've never had that type of a relationship with a guy before.  

And we all know how it ends!  Or better yet... how its all beginning with this new chapter!

Tomorrow...Tomorrow

Well,  I'm bed ridden for 48 hours.  I'm now completing my first 24 hours and I've found a lot of good stuff on pinterest to show for it!  I've decided I shall blog tomorrow though.  But who knows - I'm allergic to the pain killers they originally put me on and the new drugs are on their way.  So who knows how loopy they may make me... it could mean a really entertaining post or something no one should be reading! Haha!

I have to be honest... I've had Mandy in the back of my head wanting to know how GreenTie and I met... so I owe her the details!

The Atonement

JC and I had the privilege of speaking in church on Sunday.  We had a simple topic... the important of the Sacrament and the Atonement.... Simple... right?!  I'm glad to say that I survived my fear of public speaking.  I told JC if I wasn't making sence or sounded stupid just to pull me off the pulpit and excuse his wife for having some odd medical condition... that never happened, or he's just too nice - cause I made it all the way through my 13 minutes of talking.  Even tear free!  Sheesh.. when I was practicing it I would cry every time... that just shows how scared I was Sunday.  Haha - I'm a pansy.  JC was amazing.  He has a wonderful testimony and the sincerity and love that beams out of him while he talks about the gospel is unreal.  I'm so grateful for that kid and love him so much!

Anyways, I wanted to share my talk with you!

*Intro of Hottie Silotti's*

In the book, The Infinite Atonement, Tad R. Callister shares an experience that happened one Sunday in his ward:

One Sunday morning our teenaged son stood with two other priests to administer the sacrament, as they had done on many prior occasions.  They pulled back the white cloth, but to their dismay there was no bread.  One of them slipped out to the preparation room in hopes some could be found.  There was none.  Finally our troubled son made his way to the bishop and shared the concern with him.  A wise bishop then stood, explained the situation to the congregation, and asked, “How would it be if the sacrament table were empty today because there were no atonement?”

I have thought of that often- what would it be like if there were no bread because there had been no crucifixion, no water because there had been no shedding of blood?  If there had been no Atonement, what would the consequences be to us?  To ask and answer this question only heights our awareness of an appreciation for the Savior.

There is no greater expression of love than the heroic Atonement performed by the Son of God.   Were it not for the plan of our Heavenly Father, established before the world began, in a very real sense, all mankind- past, present, and future- would have been left without hope of eternal progression.  It puts into perspective our total dependence on the Lord.

While we are blessed to have the chance to partake of the sacrament each Sunday, it can be easy to take it for granted because we take it so often.  Do we really understand the meaning of or why we do this every week? Do we take the time to prepare ourselves spiritually before our meetings as we do to primp our hair, apply makeup or catch the last few seconds of our favorite sports team on the TV or even sleep in a few extra minutes?

From the very beginning, before the world was organized, God laid out a plan whereby He would offer blessings to His children based on their obedience to His commandments.  He understood, however, that we would be distracted at times by the things of the world and would need to be reminded regularly of our covenants and His promises.

Bringing the Atonement’s blessings and power into our lives every day includes constantly noticing and repenting of small sins, reading our scriptures, praying, and serving others.   If we are daily drawing close to our Heavenly Father and seeking for the Spirit’s guidance and companionship in our common hours, we will be prompted to change, prompted to repent, prompted to grow, and we will receive the strength to do these things.

So what is the Atonement?  The Atonement was an intimate, personal experience in which Jesus came to know how to help each of us.  In Alma 7: 11 thru 12 we read:

And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death, which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

We need a Savior to return to our Heavenly Father.  We can’t even come close without Jesus Christ.

Sheri Dew wrote, “The Savior isn’t our last chance; He is our only chance.  Our only chance to overcome self-doubt and catch a vision of who we may become.  Our only chance to repent and have our sins washed clean.  Our only chance to purify our hearts, subdue our weaknesses, and avoid the adversary.  Our only chance to obtain redemption and exaltation.  Our only chance to find peace and happiness in this life and eternal life in the world to come.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ is available to each of us.

The Atonement is the great unifying force between God and man, lifting us up, binding us to Christ, and helping us understand that He is the way.  Christ’s Atonement elevates us on our best days and comforts and heals us on our worst days.  It’s not only employed when dramatic sins are committed, but the Atonement is something that should be a part of every facet of our lives- in joyful periods and challenging times.

I like to think of the atonement as a two-way promise.  The Lord agrees to do for us what we could never do for ourselves- forgive our sins, lift our burdens, renew our souls and re-create our nature, raise us from the dead, and qualify us for glory hereafter.  At the same time, we promise to do what we can do: receive the ordinances of salvation, love and serve one another, and do all in our power to put off the natural man and deny ourselves of ungodliness.

The only thing that Christ asks of us is that we obey his commandments.  Including coming to church every week to take the sacrament in remembrance of all he has done for us.

I love this quote by Bishop Keith McMullin:

“When an Aaronic Priesthood bearer’s hand is extended with a sacrament tray, he isn’t just passing the sacrament.  He is introducing into the lives of members the emblems of the holy Atonement and lifting the members heavenward.”

To me that is so powerful.  How often do we think, “Oh here comes the bread again..”  or even what we are going to have for dinner or what the rest of the day holds?  I know I’ve personally let my mind wonder during the quiet moments of the sacrament and not always on spiritual matters.  To keep the reverence and my mind on the atoning sacrifice of our Savior- I like to read a hymn and ponder the meaning of what it’s saying. 

I stand all amazed at the love Jesus offers me,

Confused at the grace that so fully he proffers me.

I tremble to know that for me he was crucified-

That for me, a sinner, he suffered, he bled and died.

If we look unto the Savior in every thought, we will always have his spirit to be with us. What better time to reflect on all that He has done for us then during those few quiet moments during the sacrament.  It’s a good way to start out our week by remembering what He has done, what we’ve been given, and how we can better ourselves and follow his commandments.

Elder Dallin H. Oaks has testified that there is a spiritual cleansing or healing associated with the sacrament: “The sacrament of the Lord’s Supper is a renewal of the covenants and blessings of baptism.  We are commanded to repent of our sins and come to the Lord with a broken heart and a contrite spirit and partake of the sacrament.  In the partaking of the bread, we witness that we are willing to take upon us the name of Jesus Christ and always remember Him and keep his commandments.  When we comply with this covenant, the Lord renews the cleansing effect of our baptism.  We are made clean and can always have His Spirit to be with us.”

Once we understand and take into our hearts who Christ is and what He has done for us- when we have felt Him lift our sins, our pains, or sickness, and our infirmities and have felt Him give us renewed hope- we understand that Christ is the answer, and the only true answer.

I testify that the Atonement is real.  Not only did the Savior die for me, but he died for all of you as well.  I love how powerful the meaning of the Atonement is and how great this gift is for all of us.  Not only does the atonement apply for when we have sinned, when have wronged against another, but it’s also for us when we have been wronged against.  The blessings of the atonement come in many ways.

A few years ago, I started the most challenging trial I hope to ever face in my life.  At a time where you are in so much pain and feel so alone- I knew that the only thing I could do was to fall on my knees and pray.  As much comfort as our earthly parents and family can give us, there is only one who truly knows how we are feeling and what burdens we are bearing.   He knows this, because we suffered all of the pains and sorrows of the world for us.

As I spent the majority of my day on my knees in prayer, getting lost in the scriptures, and going to the temple daily – I began to notice that during the sacrament, as I renewed my covenants with the Lord, and peacefully felt his spirit with me as I remembered that I wasn’t alone in my trials – that it is all because of His sacrifice. 

Going back to the question of, “How would it be if there were no bread today because there were no atonement.”  I can’t even begin to think of where we would be.  How would we handle all that is placed on our shoulders if we didn’t have a Savior to turn to.  I know without a doubt, I wouldn’t be who I am today if I didn’t have the gift of the atonement in my life.  I wouldn’t be as strong as I am, and wouldn’t have the testimony that the Savior truly died for us, each and everyone one of us.  He knows us personally, he knows what we face, and also that he can help us in every aspect of our life. 

I’m so grateful for a Savior that has wrapped his arms around me multiple times.  No matter how many times we may slip up, or fall into the traps of the natural man,  If we will come unto Christ, with a humble heart and ask that he help take upon our burdens, trails, or whatever it may be – he will do so if we have a contrite spirit and a broken heart.

I can’t say it enough that he loves us.  I know that if we can better prepare ourselves each week by coming humbly and fully repentant to sacrament meeting and worthily partaking of the sacrament, we can better appreciate this sacred ordinance and all that it means.

Private

Thinking of going Private.

Leave me your message if you still want to follow!  Lots of new post coming up... but for the private views only! :o)

Jc Jenny

I’ve mentioned before that my brothers and a few of you call me Jenny… so one day I get a text from Jake that’s like, “Guess where we are…. JC Jenny!”  I didn’t get it at first, but he was referring to JC Penny.  So once I caught on I couldn’t stop laughing – its super clever – right?!  Right! 

You heard the story of Green Tie… and now it’s time to continue on with Jc Jenny!

Eloping.

One night, back in August JC and I went to dinner with some friends.  The entire night JC kept looking at me all cute and we were definitely showing every sign possible that we were crazy in love with each other.  After dinner, we got back to my parents and sat there talking about anything and everything.  All of a sudden JC says… “Marry me… let’s go elope.”  WHAT?!  Totally caught me off guard and I thought he was kidding.  He then proceeded to say some of the most amazing things of why he wanted to marry me.  I’ll I could say was, “You don’t want to marry me!”  But, he did!  The night went on of him insisting we get married, eloping.  I would say OK, and then no, followed by our parents will kill us… Finally it got to the point we were looking at flights and Bed & Breakfasts in Washington and planning out our adventure.

 Before I get any further… eloping sounded like something fun and crazy to do. Selfish some would say.  But we were completely fine with a ceremony of only us, no big production, and making it small and intimate in our own special way.  We had talked many times about the process of a temple divorce and knew it could either go quickly or take a long time- depending on how everyone participates and their willingness to cooperate.  So it was decided it’d be easier to get married and deal with the process after.  We would be sealed to each other one way or another.

Well, a week or so went by, we had prayed about getting married to each other, that answer was a yes.  We planned to talk to the Bishop a couple days before our secret departure date to ask what he thought about a civil marriage vs. waiting for the temple.  As he put it- we need to do what’s best for us and waiting a year for clearance may not be the way to go.  We walked out of the meeting like… “Well, he didn’t say NOT to have a civil marriage…”

The next morning I go upstairs and my mom starts talking to me.  Again, no one knew our plans.  I asked her what she thought of a civil marriage vs. waiting on the cancellation.  She then goes into… “Your dad and I have discussed this – we both feel it would be best to do it civil.  We don’t know how long the process will take or if he will even cooperate. And we want to pay for a full wedding… wouldn’t want you eloping or anything.” 

Mom’s…..  How do they know these things?!  I guess I can compare it to this morning when Wallie had to pee at 4:00 AM and JC didn’t hear him but I was up at his first cry.  I even told him it’s a “Mother’s Instinct”.

So – after telling JC what my mom said, we were both blown away she made the comment and the eloping got put off for the reason of our parents not being angry with us for the next year or so.

Two proposals.

To me, that night in August was his real proposal of asking me to marry him.  It was amazing.  I remember feeling the spirit so strong, confirming every word that he said. As he stared directly into my eyes, I could see the sincerity and the love beaming out of his eyes. It was all I needed to know that this man really loves me, and will always love me. 

The ‘official’ proposal with the ring happened in October, the day we were taking our ‘Pre-Wedding Pictures’.  He had called me that morning and told me that he had bad news… the ring still wasn’t done and it wouldn’t be here for the pictures that evening.  I told him it was perfectly fine.  As long as he was there- it’s all I would need.

We get to the Capital Building so I can change into my dress – he was outside with the photographer and blind folded.  I didn’t want him to see me until I was right in front of him.  When he pulled the mask off… he had the best reaction!  Shalise captured video of it all and I’m so glad I have that moment to always go back on.  It was priceless!  He was blown away by my beauty… Hahaha- I can say that, right?  That day I did look pretty amazing… not to sound snooty.  But he deserves a pretty lady every now and again!

Anyways.  Next thing I know he’s holding both my hands and comes in close.  Starts telling me how beautiful I am, how much he loves me, how he wants to be the one to always be there for me, the most wonderful words anyone has ever said to me.  He’s amazing.  After pouring out his heart, he says, “Jennifer Ashley Buhler…” drops down to his knee, pulls out the most beautiful and elegant ring and asks me to marry him! 

Obviously I was going to say yes, come on; I’m standing IN MY WEDDING DRESS!  But he definitely surprised me and I didn’t know it was coming.  It was perfect.  He’s perfect!

I said “You betcha!” and we kissed.  I called him a dirty liar… followed by, “How convenient… I’m in a wedding dress!” Isn’t that sweet?

Oh I just love it.  That story cracks me up and I couldn’t love ‘our story’ any more.  Both moments were absolutely perfect and couldn’t feel more blessed to have this amazing man in my life!

It's Official!

Probably should of had this post before the last... but it's been kind of funny how things have played out.

Anyways, I got this beautiful ring last night!  Maybe I can share the video with you one of these days!